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by Myrna Marofsky, President of ProGroup
"In life, all good things come hard, but wisdom is the hardest to come by." – Lucille Ball, actress
Aunt Edith turned 95 this month. Three generations of family and friends celebrated her birthday. At the party, I reflected on her life. Aunt Edith came to this country as a small child from Poland with her mother and five siblings. She worked in a factory from age 14, sewing garments to make enough money to support her mother and send her brother Henry to college, where he received a master's degree in Electrical Engineering. Aunt Edith never married. She lives on her own, signs her own checks, rarely complains, and talks more about the news of today than stories of the past. At age 94, she reluctantly accepted the fact that she had outlived her retirement funds. Unhappily, she filed for government assistance. Last month, Aunt Edith learned that due to her cousin's death, she would inherit a sum of money that would make it possible to once again support herself without needing help from "Uncle Sam." While she received this money with mixed emotions, knowing that she could now remain independent made this a wonderful birthday.
Aunt Edith represents a generation of women very different from the young nieces who celebrated her birthday with her. Her value system has always been clear: be happy you have a job, your boss "is the boss," be loyal to the company, be self-sufficient, accept what life offers you, and take time to smell the roses that grow in your garden. Although she is the product of a matriarchal home, Edith always lets you know that the males in the family, then and now, are the strong, intelligent, and "important" ones. Even my two-year-old grandson, Max, is on that list.
While it would be rare to see 95-year-old women in the workplace, 74% of women between 16 and 60 are employed or seeking employment today. They are beginning to work earlier and staying longer. We now have four generations of women from diverse backgrounds and cultures with unique sets of experiences and values interacting daily with one another.
And while this is happening, there seems to be very little sharing between women of different ages. Stories go untold, knowledge from experience is never shared, and timeless perspectives are lost. I believe we all lose when this happens. It becomes too easy to discount and judge rather than to relate and understand. The answer to this is to alter our behaviors to promote cross-generational dialogues.
At Aunt Edith's birthday party, my 28-year-old daughter, Eve, sat with Edith and discussed politics. Edith referenced FDR as my daughter listened to history being retold. My daughter then told Edith about www.myspace.com and how it will influence the youth vote. Edith was a bit confused at first, but interested. Their worlds joined when they spoke about what it means to vote in the next election. Edith's stories conveyed her pride in the right to vote, while helping Eve realize that this right is something that women didn't always have. Women sharing and learning across generations—what a gift for them both!
Consider the benefits of cross-generational communication and learning. Think of how much we could gain from each other if we shared our places in history, our experiences, and our perspectives. We also know that wise women can learn from the perspectives of younger women as they work and live in ways that older generations could never have predicted. It's all about appreciating each other and inspiring us all to move forward.
Two-way dialogues like these can occur if two critical factors are present—curiosity and desire. Once these elements are in place, conversations of head, heart, and history can begin.
Head Conversations are about sharing experiences, information, knowledge, and expertise in ways that are not only interesting, but beneficial. They might contain a thought that sparks a new idea or sends thinking in a new direction. They might be the voice of experience missing from a brilliant solution. They support the formula that 1 + 1 can equal 3 or 5. These conversations don't begin, "Let me tell you what you should do," but rather, "Have you considered?" or "In my experience, I have found. . ." They carry no judgment. This works when the receiver is open to learning and accepts the information as a gift.
Heart Conversations are about sharing feelings, passions, concerns, and excitement in ways that "get real" around topics. These conversations are about empathy, hope, and enthusiasm. Heart conversations are not "pity parties"—there is no room for whining. They are conversations, especially across generations, that promote a greater understanding of each other and of the human condition we all share.
History Conversations are about life lessons from a particular place and/or time. These are the stories I cherish most. History conversations are different from history "lessons." There is no test to pass. There are no expectations. They are food for thought that often puts issues and concerns in proper perspective. This is where I fear that young women have the least curiosity and desire to listen, which is their loss. Whatever the belief, these conversations are valuable to foster because so many stories have gone untold from women's perspectives.
So, for the thousands of "wise women" out there (and wise men, too), we encourage you to find the time to open these dialogues. Aunt Edith would love to speak to you at any time from the lovely new apartment she moved into last December, surrounded by her cherished possessions, each with its own story. If you want her number, please let me know.
SOURCE(S):
For learning more women's wisdom the Library of Congress Women's History web page is a good reference.
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